phorum.

Things are pretty slow. So here's some movies I've seen lately.


Dead Snow._

The Basics:

When vacationing Norwegian medical students discover a hidden box of Jew Gold at their snowy resort cabin, they become hunted by the greatest threat mankind has to face (and try not to get too excited): Nazi Zombies

One line, one point:

Dead Snow benefits greatly from being, maybe, the only worthy flick in the most joked about sub-genre in horror fandom. It lacks an epic story and premise that fans have been wanting (didn’t think Nazi Zombies would turn out to be such leprechauns) but has the gore and black humor to keep fans entertained. Maybe someday we won’t have to import from the Norwegians for our awesomeness?

...or to put it simply:
Nazi zombies can’t just resist that delicious Jew Gold..
The Math:

 


S.Darko._

The Basics:

It’s the year 1995 and the deceased Donnie Darko’s little sister, now a rebellious teenager, runs away from home, driving cross-country with her friend and winding up in a small town in the middle of nowhere. Strange shit happens, including various signs that the world will end on the 4th of July.

One line, one point:

The gorgeous score and soundtrack can’t save this embarrassing attempt to cash in on the lucrative Darko franchise through this blatant rehash of Richard Kelly’s unique story, from major plot points to tiny details and references. While Donnie Darko was a radical and successful example of style way over substance, S.Darko relies on that very little  substance of its predecessor to carry the movie rather than follow its example of generating a nostalgic and fantastic vision of the past on a small budget. S.Darko had twice the budget to work with and it yet comes off mostly empty and ineffective; a cheap indie film with the Darko name slapped on it.

...or to put it simply:
Really bad remake or even worse sequel.. you decide.
The Math:

 


The Mutant Chronicles._

The Basics:

In a distant retro future of 2707, world superpowers find themselves constantly at war, but when volatile combat winds up unearthing an alien machine that fell to Earth centuries ago with the design and intention to turn human beings into hordes of homicidal mutants, differences are set aside and a monastery that foresaw the apocalypse assembles a team of reputable mercenaries for a suicide mission to destroy the Machine and save what remains of war-ravaged Earth.

One line, one point:

Extremely low-budget but this sci-fi B-movie really got a lot of bang for its buck through an original story and vision alongside brilliantly used effects and action sequences (actors that don’t embarrass themselves help as well). Makes you wish even slightly bigger budgets utilized this level of ingenuity.

...or to put it simply:
Way more original than a "Sci-Fi Original".
The Math:

 


Tokyo Gore Police._

The Basics:

In a psycho-futuristic Tokyo where the police force is privatized by a national corporation (sounds familiar), a special task force is assigned to seek and destroy an outbreak of homicidal and contagious mutants able to modify their bodies as they see fit through self-mutilation. When squad leader Ruka (Audition’s Eihi Shiina) becomes infected herself, she becomes even more determined to find the source of the epidemic.

One Line, One Point:

An insanely nonsensical, cartoony and ultraviolent take on the Verhoven/Cronenberg sci-fi genre that doesn’t disappoint or let up in terms of gory depravity and features gallons upon gallons of fake blood along with plenty of new inventive ways to throw it all around, which makes it a guaranteed winner for the crowds of hardcore splatterflick fans. Yeah, of course it lacks any kind of effort towards story and plot, as if that’s really important when you’re trying to make one of the most f!@ked up movies ever.

...or to put it simply:
Wow.. that is just scary and sexy at the same time.
The Math:

 

 

 

krackmonster.